從「忍氣吞聲」到「輕安自在」：自我與人際拿捏困境者之諮商經驗研究

Abstract

本研究旨在探討在華人的人際和諧脈絡下，面對人際互動中「做自己」與「維繫和諧」間發生失調而求助諮商者的人際困境與諮商經驗。本研究採用質性研究的紮根理論方法進行資料分析，共訪談八位研究參與者（八位女性，平均年齡22.6歲，大學生四位，研究所學生四位）。研究發現，在「做自己」與「維繫和諧」間發生失調而求助諮商的研究參與者，其困境內涵主要可分為兩類，類型一是因為在關係中「做自己」而受挫，類型二是重複以他人為重的人際模式，但開始感受到不舒服與自我被壓抑的痛苦。至於他們不敢「做自己」的因素主要有三，分別是關係維持的必要性、好我形象的建立與保持以及成長歷程中的社會學習經驗—和諧為重。經過諮商介入後，研究參與者在「做自己」與「維繫和諧」間新的協調狀態則有人際互動關係的改變、自我的改變以及理解讓自己受苦的僵化的觀念而不受困。綜合研究結果，研究參與者在藉由諮商介入後，他們從困境到轉化的因應歷程可以「人際互動中陷入『做自己』與『維繫和諧』困境者的協調歷程概念化模式」呈現，此模式共分為五個階段：「虛性平衡」、「忍氣吞聲」、「消極抗衡」、「自我強化」及「輕安自在」。最後，本研究依據研究結果進行討論，並提出對於未來研究及諮商輔導工作的相關建議。

This study primarily sought to explore the coping process of people who struggled to strike a balance between being themselves and maintaining harmonious interpersonal relationships in Chinese society. The study adopted grounded theory and included eight volunteer participants (all female students: four undergraduates and four master students; mean age 22.6 years). The study reveals three main findings: (1) The imbalance between “being oneself” and “maintaining harmonious interpersonal relationships” fell into two categories. The first category comprises frustrating experiences of being oneself, while the other comprises uncomfortable and internally repressive interpersonal modes of prioritizing the other over oneself. (2) The inability to be oneself is further categorized into the need to maintain social relationships, to conserve a “good me” image, and to uphold the social learning experience that equates maintaining harmony with good behaviors. (3) After the counseling intervention, the participants understand how to better balance the need to be oneself and to maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships; the participants’ interpersonal relationships and self-concepts change, and they grasp the paradoxical situation that have formerly confused them. (4) The coping process of handling the balancing between being oneself and maintainingharmonious relationships can be conceptualized into five stages: “false balance,” “suppression,” “passive resistance,” “self-strengthening,” and “flexibility.” Finally, the implications of the results of counseling interventions and further research are discussed.