從親子同校邁向畢業的自我敘說研究

Abstract

本研究是我（研究者）以教師子女的身分，透過自我敘說，探究親子同校經驗對於個人的影響，是一趟勇敢、誠實面對自己冒險的旅程！ 我透過重新回顧家中教師家庭的成長環境，成就至上信念對於個人的影響，以及親子同校中的矛盾經驗，其中角色模糊、特權、過多關注如何相互交織，而產生教師子女「乖」的樣貌，從服從、放棄到接納，更進一步接觸內心的「空洞」，看見不穩定的自我從何而來。 透過與文獻的對話，我看見華人世界中的強勢文化：「為有讀書高」的信念造成無止盡的成就追逐與競爭、透過面子串起糾纏的親子關係、父權文化下男性管教成了打罵教育與窒息的愛的扭曲集合體；而教師職業背後的優勢傳遞中產階層的教養方式，加上雲林縣資源相對缺乏下，而有傳統思想更為濃厚及放大檢視標準的狀況。親子同校最主要困境來自於界線的模糊，在學校的場域中，親子關係與師生關係的重疊，讓雙方的角色無法清楚的定位；在家庭中，教師父母的工作與角色同樣有滲透的狀況，出現父母在家中仍像老師的狀況。教師子女內化來自社會、學校、家庭的價值與期許，而在順應正常的軌道、成為自己並肯定自己之中擺盪，在外顯的人際關係與課業學習上呈現適應的狀況，在個人心理適應中自我概念較為不穩、較缺乏情緒適當表達的狀況。 我透過自我敘說不斷經驗、解構的歷程，經驗到獨立與依賴過程中的掙扎、對於家庭極大憤怒的綑綁到宣洩、經驗到自己與家人關係的轉變。對於過去的經驗、與自己的認同、與家人關係，因著同是社會齒輪底下的「人」而能理解與放下，並且在宣洩與轉化的過程，開始能賦予新的意義、開啟新的可能，而逐步成為一個「真實」的人；對於老師這個角色，則有新的期許！也將帶著真實、勇敢、一致，迎向接下的生命旅程！Using a self-narrative, this study explored the personal impact on children attending the same school where one or both of their parents were employed as teachers. The study was an adventurous journey that allowed for courageous and honest self-confrontation.

I revisited the environment where I matured as the child of a teacher, the personal impact of the belief that success is of the utmost importance, and the conflicts that arose from attending the school where my father taught. In particular, I considered how ambiguous roles, special privileges, and excessive attention were intertwined to engender a “well-behaved” appearance of a teacher’s child. I reviewed my progression from obedience to resignation to acceptance. This enabled me to further explore my feelings of emptiness and identify the source of my fluctuating self-image.

Through a literary discourse, I examined the effects of certain predominant themes in the Chinese culture: The belief of “education above all else” has caused endless competition and relentless pursuit of success; the concept of “face” has produced complex parent-child relationships; and the emphasis on educating males in a patriarchal society has resulted in a perverse combination of verbal abuse, corporal punishment, and excessive affection. Additionally, the middle-class discipline methods are conveyed by the underlying advantages of the teaching profession. The relative lack of resources in Yunlin County where I was raised further intensifies these traditional notions and magnifies the scrutiny of standards. Blurred boundaries are the chief source of predicaments for children attending a school where their parent teaches. At school, an overlap occurs between the parent-child relationship and the teacher-student relationship; consequently, neither the role of the parent nor that of the child can be clearly defined. At home, the duties and roles of a parent and a teacher can also overlay, causing the parent to continue acting as a teacher. The children of teachers internalize the values and expectations of society, school, and family. Thus, they waver between conforming to the norm, being themselves, and self-acceptance. These children can appear well-adjusted regarding academic studies or interpersonal relationships. Nevertheless, concerning personal mental adaptation, they may be insecure in their sense of self and unable to appropriately express their emotions.

Through a continuous process of experience and deconstruction during my self-narrative, I underwent struggles between independence and dependence, experienced intense resentment toward my family and eventual catharsis, and encountered a transformation in my relationship with my family. The realization that we are all human and bound by the strictures of society enabled me to understand and reconcile my past experiences, self-identification, and my relationship with my family. During the processes of catharsis and transformation, I began to derive new meanings and cultivate new possibilities to gradually become a “real” person. I have new hopes for my role as a teacher, and I will embrace the next stage of my life with authenticity, courage, and consistency.