從冷漠到關懷： 分離台海兩岸家人關係之自我敘說

Abstract

本研究的目的在探究從1987年兩岸開放以來，研究者對大陸父兄從冷漠態度轉為關懷的心路歷程。研究者父親年少就離開福州到台灣求發展，並在台灣結婚生子，家鄉卻有個童養媳在等他。1949年7月，正值國共戰爭激烈，大陸風雲變色，大家紛紛逃往台灣之際，研究者父親卻於此時，攜兒子返回福州家鄉奔喪，從此夫妻、母子、父女、姊弟、兄妹台海分隔兩岸38年。1989年兩岸母子再度見面時已相隔40年之久，遺憾的是父親已天人永隔。 研究者以家人各自描述的手法，呈現兩岸不同的生活事件及個人的生命故事。尤其透過研究者回憶和訪談，對台灣30年代的台海婚姻、單親家庭和40年代的童年生活，家族的凝聚力有深刻的描述。 研究者經由台海雙方家人敘說的、敘寫的、歷史資料，以及童年的回憶，試著回到父母的時代背景，透過層層的自我反思，去理解父母婚姻內涵，反思對待父兄冷漠的心態，試圖自我解構、並重新建構父女關係 研究者理解家人台海分離，是殘酷的內戰造成的，是大時代的悲劇，也是全中國人的悲劇。研究者重新看到的父親有大時代苦難下的不得已，有身為長子背負的家族重擔，有對抗共產制度周全一家的努力，也有獨自吞噬思念妻女的悲哀，父親是位勇者、承擔者，犧牲者。研究者主動改變對待大陸家人防衛排斥的心態，從冷漠到接納，從接納到關懷，重新拾回家人般的感覺。 研究者透過敘說對心靈的洗滌，解除時代造成的心結，營造兩岸家人溫馨和煦關係，同時對大陸家人也展開關懷的行動，並發現自己，了解自己，也邁向海闊天空、自由自在的心靈境界。

The aim of the following research is to explore the once strained relationship the author had with her father and brother in the context of the proliferating societal contacts between China and Taiwan starting in 1987. The author’s biological father left his native Fujian Province at an early age bound for Taiwan in search of opportunity, eventually marrying and starting a family despite being bound by a previously arranged marriage. In July 1949, with the Chinese civil war raging between Nationalist and Communist forces, he left for Fujian with his son, leaving a wife and two daughters behind in Taiwan—not only ending the bonds of husband and wife, but also stunting maternal and sibling bonds of the family for 38 years. After 40 long years of separation, the family finally stood together again; unfortunately the author’s father had already passed away.

The author utilizes a self-narrative approach, using various sources and data to contextualize the social and historical background of her parents’ time, while highlighting the differing life narratives brought by the division of the mainland and Taiwan. Using the researcher’s own memories along with interviews, a detailed account of married life in the 1940s, the predicament of single parent families and their children in the 1950s, as well as the bonds that held these families together.

The author interprets the separation of Taiwan and China and that of her own family caused by the cruelty of civil war as part of the tragedy of contemporary history and for all Chinese. She views her father’s decision in a new light: being tied to the harsh conditions of the times, his own responsibility toward family as the eldest son, struggles against the communist system for the survival of family. Moreover, as a man of courage, responsibility and self-sacrifice, he also mourned the wife and daughter he was forced to leave behind in Taiwan. The author has actively aimed to change her attitudes of self-protection and avoidance toward her mainland Chinese family members, and to foster new relations based upon acceptance and caring.

Through this narrative, the author has cleansed her spirit, resolved the emotional knots and scars built up over time and created a cross-Strait family relation of warmth and geniality. In the process, she has discovered and learned more about herself and is moving toward limitless possibilities, feeling free and at ease.