成為女性：從失根到扎根的自我敘說

Abstract

本研究以自我敘說的方式，從研究者最早期的生命經驗開始書寫，梳理與父母、老師等重要他人之關係與互動經驗，欲探究對生命狀態的困惑與不解，建構對自己的理解。敘說內容包含研究者的記憶、札記與文章、不同時間點的夢境和繪畫，以及與家人的對話內容。在敘說的過程中，內在經歷的失落、哀悼與轉變，可謂不斷失根與流浪的過程，也從中對父親與母親有了更整合的認識與理解，也逐漸長出對自己的認同與內在力量。看見身為女兒曾經對父母的忠誠與無法分離，以及生長在父權的集體社會之下，與父親、老師等權威角色關係中的乖順形象。藉由女性原型模式的概念加以理解身為女性的發展，看見自我認同如何在父女關係與社會文化下被定義與框限。與此同時，在自我探究的過程中一點一滴地在內在扎根，長出自己的力量，拿回自己的責任。更加知道「我是誰」、「要往何處去」，在個體化歷程中踏上成為女性的路程，寄予擁有更完整的生命體驗。This self-narrative study started from my earliest life experiences, written in chronological order. It consisted mainly of my memories, journals, published paper, dreams, and paintings. Also, dialogues with others and their memories. The thesis was aimed to explore and understand myself as a female within the context of my relationships with significant figures.During the process of narrative, I've been going through different stages of transitions, as well as loss, mourning, separation, and integration. In the end, gaining an understanding of myself as a female via Jungian's analytical view. I've come to realize how my relationships with personal and collective father figures have influenced my identity and psychological development of femininity. Meanwhile, I've come to know more about "who am I" and "where to go," my inner strengths and authority have grown in me, bit by bit. Hopefully, becoming a person on my lifelong journey of individuation.